Wandering ramble

Positive vibe

2006-08-16T17:02:00.000-04:00

Three years ago I quit song writing, simply, because I didn't like what was coming out. This is my first uplifting song since.

Written in the hills of Safed.

The song is titled Transformation.

I wake up in the morning
sometimes afternoon.
Can this day be redemption
will I pass it through.
Will I be up for fighting
the struggle is my goal.
My eyes they won't stay open
afraid to fall below.

Then I hear...

But you got to
pray to Hashem.
Ask him to help you
take you by the hand.
This life is just to dangerous
to go it alone.
Ask him to help you
keep coming home.

Day after day
night after night.
My heart is filled with emotions
I try to hide.
Dipped into the pit of pleasure
hope I won't go blind.
I can't seem to find my other half
to help me with my fight.

I know...

I've got to
pray to Hashem.
Ask him to help me
take me by the hand.
This life is just to dangerous
to go it alone.
Ask him to help me
keep coming home.

I may not be an ascetic
but don't pander to my needs.
It's not that I'm so vitouis
a good Jew I want to be.
People keep on telling me
it's not in your stars
give up you dreams
it's not who you are.

But I say no...

Beacause I'm praying
praying to Hashem.
Asking him to help me
take me by the hand.
This life is just to dangerous
to go it alone.
I'm asking him to help me
keep coming homeeeee.

Oh So True

2006-07-31T19:55:00.000-04:00

A young man was walking the streets of Paris . Suddenly he saw a rottweiler attacking a young girl. He jumped on the dog, struggled with him and strangled it. Both he and the girl escaped with minor scratches.

Immediately excited journalists surrounded him and said: What is your name? All Paris will hear of you, and the headlines will be: "A Parisian hero saved a little girl from a savage dog".

Said the man: I am not Parisian.

The jurnalists: O.K, so all France will hear of you and the headlines will be :"A French hero saved a little girl from a savage dog".

The man: But I am not French.

Journalists: OK, so all Europe will hear of you and the headlines will read: "A European hero saved a little girl from a savage dog".

The man: But I am not from Europe.

Journalists: So where are you from?

The man: I am from Israel.

Journalists: OK, so all the world will hear of you and the headline in all tomorrow's papers will read: "Israeli killed a little girl's dog."

Did you remember to give some tzedakah and say a small prayer for Israel today?
You can and should make a difference

Merkos Shlichus

2006-07-31T19:11:00.000-04:00

Every summer hundreds of young Rabbi's -the very best of Chabad- travel all over the world, searching the deepest darkest crevices, hoping to seek out and reignite another Jews heart.
I love it!

I'm looking for Merkos Shlichus blogs, if you know of any, post them.
I found one, check it out .

Where have all the blogs gone?

2006-07-07T12:21:00.000-04:00

I left my laptop at home when I left and didn't get to do much web surfing while I was away. I was looking forward to checking out all my favorite blogs when I came back, but it seems like a lot of my fellow bloggers have signed off.
What is going on?
Have I missed something?
Was there a blog virus going around that I'm not aware of?
The shame is, that most of them didn't just stop blogging, but took their entire blogs of the web, not allowing me to even see the reason for their public departures.
Anyways, to all the bloggers who have gone missing, I hope you still do some surfing every once in a while and maybe you'll read this.

Wishing you the best in all!

I'm back

2006-07-07T12:04:00.000-04:00

My trip is over.
I got back home yesterday morning.
Thank the good Lord, it was one of my best trips to the holy land.
I decided against posting updates on the blog, because I feel that at times people become to engrossed with their blogs, that they actually lose appreciation of the reality around them. Everything becomes over analyzed and looked at in a way of 'wow, that is beautiful, how inspirational, I can't wait to share', and the actual inspiration can become lost in the process of giving it over.
But not to worry, I did do a lot of writing in my notebook and I plan on posting some of the articles up in the near future, describing different parts and times of the trip.
California here we come!

Blessed are You, L-rd our G-d, King of the universe, Who bestows kindness upon the culpable for He has bestowed goodness to me

2006-05-08T11:19:00.000-04:00

"Get up."
Oh come on, I'm so tired, it feels like I just fell asleep a few minutes ago.
"Get up."
Hello, I already went to the Kotel last night and I'll daven as soon as I wake up.
"Get up."
Man, have you ever heard of jetlag, give me a break.
"Get up."
Looking up at the stones, a tingle is making its way slowly around my body, I hear the voices around me, "May He who has bestowed goodness upon you always bestow every goodness upon you.", but it's not them that's exciting me.

It's been a while since I've felt so alive.

So long friends, I'll see you in the holy land.

2006-05-07T02:35:00.000-04:00

Don't think I'll be updating, but hey, who knows?

You can always call.

There's worse things then cleaning

2006-04-11T19:02:00.000-04:00

Birthday wish

2006-04-09T02:30:00.000-04:00

A birthday can be used as a time for introspection. A time to make a review of the past years actions. A time to focus on the direction the coming year is headed.
A time to pray and ask G-d for the help and strenth needed to overcome future obstacles.
Today is the birthday of the Rebbe, leader of our people.
For some the Rebbe has never been gone, but for me, sadly, it's different, I can't see him. There are days I stop wondering about the hows and whys; but I know a day dosen't pass that I don't miss him.
I've shed more tears for my Rebbe then for any other person in my life or any other tragedy I've experienced.
Some people have told me it would be the same if he were still here, that his being around wouldn't change me. They say "if you can't follow his teachings and directives now you would have found another excuse if he were still here".
Maybe they're right.
Why don't we try giving it a shot this year and we'll see what happens.

Life is good

2006-03-24T05:04:00.000-05:00

Friends forever?

2006-03-23T01:40:00.000-05:00

All good things must come to an end...

Tears flowing down my face
like a broken faucet
I won't let you see my eyes
you'll never know I cried
I don't want to express my feelings
they're not pent up inside
as they fall down to my lap
drip drop, there's nothing to hide

Blog ya later

2006-03-06T14:47:00.000-05:00

Both friends and strangers have been asking me for an update on the blog.
Friends are curious to know how things are working out with me and strangers I guess don't want to lose their voyeur buddy or whatever other reason that keeps us interested in the going ons in random people's lives.
There have been 2 reasons for lack of an update.
#1: Since I've been here I haven't been spending any time on the computer. Last night was the annual dinner for the community and I've been busy all week helping out with the preparations. I average about 20 minutes a day on the computer and that's usually divided up into 6 parts; just enough time to reply to emails and give shmais a check to make sure I don't miss any engagements I have to know about.
#2: I left NY for a number of reasons, enumerated below in previous posts and comment discussions. I came here to CA away from my closest friends and most of my family because I felt I needed to reevaluate the direction my life was taking. To spend some time in relative solitude enabling constructive introspection. And I think that by posting on my blog I would be defeating the intended idea and purpose of my trip. Instead of appreciating any breakthroughs I may have for what they are, I would instead be thinking about how to project it in my writings.
In effect losing any beauty and meaning of self-discovery.

The journey continues

2006-02-24T03:59:00.000-05:00

I arrived, I'm in my room and I've got internet! Galvan the neighbor was nice enough to leave his network unsecured.

My original plan was to stop this blog and continue posting on the new blog I created. The new blog was going to be a picture journal of my activities here in San Diego, but the camera I had ordered before I left turned out to be from a refurbished website and I canceled the order before I left. If anybody knows of any good deals on a digital camera please post it in the comments.
I'm excited to be back. In truth there's a rush of emotions, but with them all there's an underlying apprehension, a nervousness of what's going to be? Where will this all lead?

I started making a basic schedule of things I would like to accomplish while I'm here, nothing major just small things to add a little structure to my day. I'm sure the Rabbi will be keeping me busy, he has 30 years of shlichus experience, he knows how to ask in a way where people can't say no. I feel that it's important though to have some things that will be my primary focus to make sure that I do every day so that I know I'll be leaving here with something.
I'll write it out tomorrow, my eyes are closing.
Shout out to the two gentle spirits. ;-)

Actions speak louder then words

2006-02-21T19:41:00.000-05:00

What's your dependency?
I think its been a week.

2006-02-19T00:45:00.000-05:00

The blind leading the blind

This weekend being my last Shabbos in NY, was also my last Shabbos working at HASC. I've been working there for nearly a year now and the fact that I don't know when, or if I'll be coming back made it all the more difficult leaving tonight. Besides for the obvious benefits gained with being involved in such work, working with the guys has enriched my life in smaller ways as well; I've learned to appreciate the finer things, the more subtle things in life and I'm going to miss that bi-weekly injection I've begun to take for granted.

On Motzei Shabbos it's up to the D.C.C (Direct Care counselor) to decide on what activity he'd like to do with guys for the evening. I wasn't sure where I wanted to take the guys, since it was so cold the options were more limited. I could take them to Manhattan, Times Square always keeps them well occupied and would distract them from the bitter cold, but I had too many wanderers tonight and couldn't take the chance in the big city. The parks would never work in this weather and I had no idea what to do with them.

I figured, we would just leave and hopefully I'll think of something as I'm driving around. We were driving in the van and I looked behind me to see how the guys were doing. They all looked content, rocking their heads back and forth with the rhythm of the music, excited that they were out on an outing. Little did they know that, I, the one who arranges their trip had no idea where we were headed, it didn't even occur to them, after all as their counselor I had to know where we were going. I laughed to myself, while silently thanking G-d for their naivety and innocence.

As I continued driving it dawned on me, am I really that different? I do the same thing.
How many times in life has it occurred that a dream, or a hopeful vision once acquired turned out to be nothing of what was expected? My imagination has still not run dry and I would never stop dreaming.
How many times have you gone to people seeking advice and guidance and by the time the conversation was over, the tables had turned and the student had become the mentor (I'm not referring to friends, but to people who's roles are to be leaders)? I keep returning to these same people in times of trouble.
How many times have people come to you hoping for some extra strength, at a point in your life when you yourself are halfway off the cliff? That never stopped me from trying to help.
We're no different, we too follow people or things without knowing the final destination or if this is the correct path leading towards it.

Coming out of Toys 'R Us with 6 giddy happy guys in tow, still excited by all the toys and games (and dolls) they had seen and got to play with, I realized it's not always about the vision. Even when life is not completely mapped out, you have to chug on, you can't be afraid, because things usually do end up ok. Planning and foresight is encouraged and expected and although things won't always turn out as you planned, it still remains, as G-ds plan.

Blind following the blind?

I don’t think so. There's a divine map to the world, perfect vision.

2006-02-14T20:18:00.000-05:00

I lack intimacy

I don’t make such a claim because of the fact that I’m a single guy and have never been intimate with a woman. I’m not referring to sexual intimacy. I’m referring to the feeling and state of intimacy which is in every single person’s hands.

I’m referring to prayer.

Every person can pray, most people do, but the vast majority of people don't get out of prayer the potential that prayer has within, to transform them, to help them evolve into the G-dly beings they inherently are.

I personally have been struggling with proper prayer for what seems like my entire life. It’s always the same; at the beginning of Shmonah Esrei I say to myself, “Today I’m going to have kavanah on my davening, at least the translation of the words”. I start, Blessed are you, Lord our G-d and G-d of our fathers, G-d of Avraham, G-d of Yitzchok and G-d of Yakkov… When I space back in I’m usually holding by Seem Shalom at the end of Shmonah Esrei.

I know I’m not the only one and I know it’s almost expected.

There’s a cute story of a chossid of the Rebbe Rashab who had an impending court date regarding certain claims his landlord had made against him. He came into the Rebbe for yechidus, hoping to get some legal advice from him. He began discussing the case with the Rebbe and he asked, “what if my landlord says such and such, how should I respond”? So the Rebbe told him what to say. He asked him about another possible scenario and the Rebbe again advises him what to say. The dialogue continued in the same vein with him asking and the Rebbe responding with appropriate advice. After this went on for a while the Rebbe interrupted him and said, “There's no need to worry so much. Unlike you, the Poretz doesn’t daven Shmonah Esrei 3 times a day.”

Prayer is an integral part of the teachings of Chassidus; it seems unfortunate then that prayer is never taught as part of the education curriculum, in schools which were founded on the teachings of Chassidus. I actually approached a number of the spiritual leaders in our community, both in Brooklyn and abroad and inquired as to why they don’t teach us how to daven. I asked, “Why is it that you’ll teach us a maimer about what we should meditate on during tefilah, but you never teach us what meditation is all about”? It’s usually the same response, a smile, a rub on the cheek and a comment along the lines of, “You know Vintage, you have a very sensitive neshama”.

Am I mentally handicapped? Because that’s the way we were taught to respond to the guys we work with at HASC.

I used learn with one of my chavrusas in Hadar Hatorah. Hadar Hatorah is a school for Balei Teshuvah; most of them pretty fresh BTs. People always asked me why I would learn there instead of in 770 (supposedly learning in 770 is better for Shiduchim, something I have trouble believing). I would always answer that the energy that the guys are infused with over there is so powerful it can give me strength for the entire day (and it isn’t as noisy as 770).
One day I was sitting in the Yeshivah learning and there was a guy standing next to me finishing his davening. It seems like he had just taken on the resolution to put on a second pair of Tefilin every day and today was his first day of putting on Rabeinu Tams Tefilin and he was especially flying. He finished davening and started taking off his Tefilin, he has a huge smile on his face, the kind of face a father has seeing his firstborn for the first time.
He calls out to one of the Rabbi's who was sitting by the next table, he says, “Rabbi, did you hear the story with the chossid (pronounced Chaseed) and the Rebbe (pronounced rebee)”? Without waiting for a response he starts telling the story. “A chossid went into the Rebbe for a meeting. He say’s “Rebbe, I don’t feel like a Chossid, I go to the mikvah, I learn Chassidus, I daven, I try to act like a Chossid, but I just don’t feel like one”. And the Rebbe answered him, “if you want to feel like a chossid, look inside the siddur when you daven”.” “You hear that Rabbi”? He finished. “The Rebbe said you have to know what your praying if you want to feel like a chossid. It’s incredible”.

Prayer is what should make us care. Prayer is where our relationship with our creator is at its most intimate setting. Its you, him and nothing else.
I lack intimacy.

2006-02-08T09:21:00.000-05:00

Is it just me?

schoolgirl said...
why r u leaving????? we're gonna miss you here. btw, I think if ud get a job u wouldnt feel like u have to get anywhre (you wouldnt be so bored). and i say that in the nicest way possible.
vintage jeans said...
I would have gotten a job except I can't see myself doing a 9 to 5 that has no future in it. My goal and aspiration is to one day become a shliach. The thing that would make the most sense for me to do would be working in something which would help me to reach and achieve that goal. That's why it made the most sense for me to come home where I would be able to, 1) study and learn- every Rabbi has to be well versed, 2) help a Shliach in the area- giving me experience and doing something that I enjoy and 3) date- before you settle down it is-I think- best to do it with a partner.
The sad facts are, learning is very difficult to do at my age, especially when your the only one in your social circle interested in it. It's a lot harder to get a decent job at a decent Shliach in the New York area then I had imagined. Basically my life has come down to me waiting to get hitched, a very sad state to live in, don't you think? In short that's the main reason why I didn't get a job and why I'm getting out of here. We'll discuss it in more detail in person.
Is there anybody out there who can relate to what I'm talking about? I can't be the only one experiencing this struggle. I may not be a product of the system, but I'm certainly a byproduct and the system does assist in creating the issue.
I don't feel that I'm fully articulating my thoughts, my keyboard is broken and I have to type with my On-screen keyboard.

2006-02-06T01:28:00.000-05:00

"He who has a why to live, can bear with almost any how."

-Nietzsche

"He who has a why to leave, can bear with almost any how."

-Vintage Jeans

The decision has been made. I'm going. I still haven't decided on a place, but within 3 weeks I'm leaving New York. Anybody have any good ideas where to go?

Whats your favorite place in the world?

2006-02-02T15:15:00.000-05:00

Are you in touch with your feminine side?

2006-02-01T15:27:00.000-05:00

Youths demise as expressed by my favorite berries.

Unhappiness, where's when I was young, and we didn't give a damn. 'Cause we were raised to see life as fun and take it if we can.

Understand what I've become, it wasn't my design. And people ev'rywhere think, something better than I am. But I miss you, I miss, 'cause I liked it, 'Cause I liked it, when I was out there. Do you know this? Do you know you did not find me. You did not find. Does anyone care?

You can't accuse me of not trying. I think I may be running away to Israel one of these days, or maybe Jamaica.

2006-02-01T01:22:00.000-05:00

Out of darkness comes light...

Daardie een is groot shofar!

2006-01-29T03:04:00.001-05:00

My sun,

going dim

my sight,

seems slim

my will,

a broken arrow

my heart,

sensitivity horrowed

my tears,

gone dry

my fears,

don't wait for why

my dreams,

jaded

my idealism,

long faded.

I am still smiling.

2006-01-24T20:24:00.000-05:00

First call

I think I'll have a cup of tea, I just woke up and I don't want my voice to sound sleepy.

Hmm, I'm going to go to the kitchen and see how the parents are doing, I'm sure they would like an update.

Maybe I should call a friend to get a little moral boost.

The tea is finished already? I'm going to make another.

------------------------------------------------

The Shadchan said he would be calling any minute, I wonder what's keeping him? Should I jump into the shower? No I can't what if he calls when I'm in the shower. Its been a really tough day at work, I couldn't wait to get home just to unwind a bit. Hmm, maybe I'll eat some dinner... naw not really hungry. Why isn't he calling? He better not be busy with something stupid, (like posting something on the internet). I hate waiting.

Ok, ok I'm calling now!

Ha, you know sometimes we're just so way off.

She was out with friends having dinner, not a care in the world and didn't sound nervous in the least bit.

I'm excited, this should be fun!

2006-01-19T19:05:00.000-05:00

What will choose my path?

On the topic of weddings, I recently heard two stories I would like to share.
Story #1: Rabbi Minsky told this story over at our class' Yud Tes Kislev farbrengen. The story is about Rabbi Chazan (after short contemplation I've decided not to use his real name in case it falls under loshon horah, I have enough on my shoulders as it is). I asked my dad about him to give a little background, my dad knows him as he was both his teacher and work colleague.
Rabbi Chazan is a tomim from Otwosk, not just any tomim, but one of the top students of his time. His ability in learning is incredible, surpassed only by his sincere kindness. He has tremendous talent in music, writing and orating. Rabbi Chazan got married when he came to America to an American girl. When brought up in conversation anybody who knows him will always mention his wife. It seems that her interests were by far different then his own, the ultimate "odd couple." She was the modern type, fun-loving all American girl while he was obviously into more subtle things. From what I was able to make out it seems that she also has a tougher personality (the Rebbe had given him special heterim for sholom bayis purposes).
Rabbi Chazan is an older man now, somewhere in his 80's and in recent years his health hasn't been so good. Rabbi Minsky came to visit him after one of his trips to the hospital. They were sitting in the dining room Rabbi and Mrs. Chazan together with Rabbi Minsky. Mrs. Chazan being a good hostess asked if she could warm up some soup for the guest. Rabbi Minsky consented, after all who can turn down a bubbys soup. When the Rebetzin went into the kitchen to get the soup ready, Rabbi Chazan asked Rabbi Minsky if he could please start the Beineni Niggun (Pretorians 5764 you know how it goes). Rabbi Minsky started the niggun and together they sang.
Rabbi Minsky described what happened, "as we were singing Rabbi Chazan started to cry, tears were streaming down his face. We were still in the middle of the niggun when his Rebetzin walked in, she put down the soup in front of me and then she too started crying. She looked at me and said, "do you know why he's crying? He's crying, because he married me, he's a Tomim and he married me". Rabbi Chazan tried consoling her telling her that of course that wasn't true and we then continued singing with the 2 of them crying".
That's the end of the first story.
Story #2: Rabbi Y. Jacobson told this story over during a chassidus shiur.
An elderly man was at the Doctors office for a checkup. After the Doctor saw him he told him that he should come back the following week there was something he wanted to check out. On the way out the man went over to the secretary to schedule the follow up appointment. The woman looked up the Doctors schedule and told him that there was an opening the next week at 9:30 in the morning.
He told her, "I'm sorry, but at 9:30 I eat breakfast with my wife."
"Well," she replied, "why don't you tell your wife that next week your going to have to push off breakfast by an hour or so".
"I can't," he answered, "you see my wife is living at a senior center, a few years ago she was diagnosed with Alzheimers and she wont understand if they tell he that I'll be late".
The secretary a bit puzzled asked, "if she has Alzheimers then whats the big deal? She doesn't know who you are anyways".
The elderly man looks at her with tears welled up in his eyes and says, "she may not know who I am, but I still know who she is".

After 60 years of marriage will I have to dry my wifes tears, because shes afraid that I don't love her, convincing her how happy I am that I married her? Or will we reach the Utopian island of "unconditional love"?
2 people, 1 journey, 2 endings.
What will choose my path?

2006-01-10T19:50:00.000-05:00

Busy busy

My apologies for the lack of update to all who spend time checking this blog. I'm in the middle of a few hectic weeks. Thank G-d, I have a few friends getting married and the weddings are keeping me busy with lots of traveling. In addition I've been trying to put extra focus on my studies which has taken a lot of my computer time. I hope to post something before my Toronto trip this Thursday.

Regarding the rest of the Chanukah posts I don't think it's appropriate anymore given the fact that Chanukah has been over for a while. If people are interested I may change my mind, but I think we should wait for next year.

2005-12-22T23:07:00.000-05:00

Gatkes

Also known as long johns, thermal underwear and long underwear, but growing up to me it was known by another name "ZAIDE'S UNDERWEAR."

You see my older brother thought it was funny to have me believe that long johns were for grandpa's. I didn't believe it at first , then I had doubts and slowly but surely it began to sink in, he may be right. He asked the tough questions and of course he had all the answers.

"Why do you think their all off white?

Of course because they used to be Zaides and since Zaide's old his underwear must be old as well and when underwear gets old the white is no longer as white as it used to be."

"Why at the mikvah are all the old men wearing the long underwear?

Because that's the only kind that they're allowed to wear."

I almost had him when I spotted another kid wearing them as well, but my brother was quick to solve the mystery "His mother must also force him to wear his Zaide's underwear."

Needless to say I was scarred for all eternity, there was no way my Mom could ever get me to wear a pair of long johns.

And who do you think suffered?

Me of course, I would always freeze my buns off in the winter.

Well, as I grew older I began to think how logical I was being with my prejudices against the long john.

"He who sits in comfort in his underwear is truly a happy man." (unknown source)

You know what? I don't sit around in my underwear and keeping my buns warm is achieving the happy effect.

Thanks Zaide!

2005-12-14T13:15:00.000-05:00

Shiduch Gone Awry

If you've been there, you know the feeling- wishing you were anywhere else, head pounding, 'what was the Shadchan thinking' running through your head, painful awkward silence, but not quite as painful as the incessant yawning- you should be able to relate in some way.

‘The Script’
A one scene non play
Written by
Vintage Jeans

Scene takes place in Guys car.

Boy: Hello
Girl: Hi
Boy: How are you doing?
Girl: Pretty good, Baruch Hashem. How are you?
Boy: Thank G-d, I’m ok. A little nervous.
Silence

Boy: My friend said you should start off a date with a joke. It helps to ease the tension. Want to hear a joke?
Girl: Sure.
Boy: A man walks into a pub, sits by the bar and says "I got the best Pollack joke." The bartender looks up, raises his hands and says “Now now buddy before you tell that joke you might want to know something.” He points to the other end of the bar to a huge muscular man that looked like a body builder and says, “see that guy? He’s Polish.” He points to the bouncer and says, “He’s Polish too and you know what, I happen to be Polish as well. You sure you still want to tell that joke?” The man says, “Hey no worries, I’ll tell it real slow.”
Girl: That’s not funny!
Boy: what do you mean? Don’t you get it?
Girl: Of course I get it. I just don’t see why you have to make fun of Polish people.
Boy: I’m not making fun of Polish people per say, you can say the joke regarding any ethnicity Blacks, Hispanics, even Chinese if you want. I just happened to choose Polish people.
Girl: I don’t understand why some people have to put other people down just to make themselves feel good. What happened to good old fashioned humor where things were genuinely funny?
Boy: Well I’m sorry if I offended you I was just trying to break the ice. If you have any joke you would like to say, go right ahead.
Girl: Ok. Why did the Klipah cross the road?
Boy: Why?
Girl: To get to the Sitra Acher.
Boy: Ha ha, that’s pretty funny.
Girl: Thanks.
Silence reins abound.
Boy: Do you like baseball?
Girl: What??
Boy: You know Baseball the sport. Do you like it?
Girl: What kind of question is that? I’m a girl.
Boy: So what are you saying girls can’t play ball?
Girl: I’m not saying that, I just think it’s a weird question, that’s all.
Boy: Well I’m sorry if my questions aren’t exactly top notch, but, hey, there isn’t exactly a script for these things. And it’s not like you’re doing all that much to help. I’m gasping for air here.
Girl: Naw it’s ok. You know what- I apologize. Yeah, I guess I like Baseball.
Awkward silence
Boy: This is awkward.
Girl: Well… do you like it?
Boy: Like what?
Girl: Baseball.
Boy: Oh sure, I love it.
Girl: Really, where do you play?
Boy: I don’t play.
Girl: What do you mean you don’t play. I thought you said that you loved it.
Boy: Oh, I do. I love watching baseball.
Girl: You mean you enjoy watching other people playing ball?
Boy: Yep.
Girl: Why?
Boy: Why what?
Girl: I mean how?
Boy: How?
Girl: How could you enjoy watching other people standing around on grass throwing around a ball? That sounds like the most boring thing in the world.
Boy: Oh it can be very exciting! The competition, energy, it can be quite exhilarating.
Girl: Oookay… I think I have a headache.
Boy: Don't worry, I got Advil in the glove compartment. Please, help yourself.
Girl: If you don’t mind, I think I would like to go home.
Boy: That bad?
Girl: Yep.
Heading back towards home.
Boy: Uhh… well I …
Girl cuts him off pointing to her head.

Girl: It hurts.
Boy: Sorry.
Outside girls home.
Girl: Thank you very much.
Boy: My pleasure. I hope you feel better.
Girl: Thanks. I think I’m starting to feel better already.
Boy: That’s good the Advil must be kicking in.
A slight grin creeps to the corners of girls’ lips.
Girl: I didn’t have any of the Advil. Have a good night.
As the car drives off, two young adults continue their journey along the mapless route hoping not to hit too many more speed bumps before stumbling unto their final destination.

The end

2005-12-13T15:32:00.000-05:00

You create the title

This picture was taken across the street from our house in South Africa. Come up with a title that captures the picture. Humor is appreciated.

2005-12-12T18:01:00.000-05:00

My transmogrify

On Friday night I was reborn, I was recreated. As who? As an intellectual. From that point on my mind was reopened.
Because you see, I was clever a long time ago.
The brain like all parts of the human anatomy will function as long as it's in use, or as my personal trainer put it "use it, or lose it."
My mind has spent to much time on vacation, lazying around, never being challenged.
On the advice of my Mashpia (mentor) I went with a few friends to take an aptitude test. The test was 6 hours long plus a 45 minute session with the therapist. One of the sections of the test was to test your mental capacities, to see what kind of career options were practical.
I scored in the 90th percentile, I wasn't impressed though, after all a yideshe kup (a Jewish mind) these tests were made for regular people. It was only when the other 2 guys told me that they both scored in the 63rd and 67th that I started to become conceited. I had always known I was a genius. Not for very long was my ego destined to be inflated.
It dawned on me, Oy! So much wasted potential.
The one thing that hurts more than lacking something, is having it and then losing it. Why had I not worked and studied growing up. Of course parents are the first to blame, then you have the community after that will usually come school, teachers, friends, everybody else is responsible for not motivating me, for never challenging me, for not instilling that drive in me to push myself to reach where I should/could have been.
No more!
I've now become an intellectual. That's right, I have made it. I always proclaim and teach, like a mantra "it's never to late." I'm taking my advice to heart.
I've decided to take my studying a tad more seriously. To encourage me to try and attain more and more information, I will from now on be posting once week the books that I've read in the past week. Initially there will not be any ratings or reviews, except by specific request.

Books of the week

As a Driven Leaf, written by Milton Steinberg

Branches Of The Chassidic Menorah Vol. 1, written by Rabbi YY Schneerson

2005-12-10T17:49:00.000-05:00

My Will

I will begin with the end in mind.

I will rejoice in my friends joys.

I will be proactive with my free time.

I will respect my mom.

I will be responsible for the smile on one persons face every day.

I will focus on G-d's good in my life.

I will cry at my friends sorrows

I will undertake a constant never ending commitment to growth.

I will dance as I get dressed in the morning.

I will love myself no matter the mood.

I will seek first to understand, then to be understood.

I will be a source of relief in other peoples lives.

I will spend less time on the computer.

I will see the endless potential of good in all people.

I will sing in the shower.

If there's a will, there's a way.

2005-12-07T23:29:00.000-05:00

I would love to write, but I have to much on my head and I'm not in the right mood of trying to sort it out and putting it into writing. Since though I do think that it's important I post every day, here's a Calvin and Hobbes.

Watch as I develop :)

2005-12-06T12:28:00.000-05:00

I was under the impression that personality in the snag world was very hard to find. I was therefore pleasantly surprised when I came across these videos.
They're both made by Yeshiva guys. One of them is a music video of the song L'cha by the Chevra. The actual music video is funny and the bloopers after are very amusing.
The other is a music video as well, this one seems to me to be an original song. It's entitled 'Find my zivug now' all though not as funny as the first, most guys who have dated a bit can probably relate to one part or another- hopefully, not all of it.

2005-12-05T09:56:00.000-05:00

Matchmakers

These are another two friends of mine who just got married. Although I couldn't find one special picture that jumped out at me, there's a common thread with all of the pictures. The joy that the bride and groom are feeling is so palpable, all you have to do is reach out and you'll touch it.
The more of these weddings I see, where I know both the bride and groom help to reinforce one idea.
I will never in my lifetime be able to successfully set 2 people up- at least not intentionally. There is obviously no consistent formula in putting two people together. If you can understand how one + one = three (or as Rabbi Jacobson puts it 1 + 1 = 1) then you may have an understanding of how to put soul mates together (you may also be a little over the edge).
Maybe all it takes is boy + girl + right time + right place = Mazal Tov!
Meaning, any guy, meets any girl, at the appropriate place and at a time when they're desperate enough to compromise on those little things, they get hitched.
Maybe...

2005-12-04T09:44:00.000-05:00

Taking is giving?

As I rolled out of bed this morning I wondered, why am torturing myself by waking up at 7:00 in the morning to go learn? I know one thing, I definitely don't enjoy learning this much.
This morning was especially difficult getting up since I was working at Hasc for Shabbos and only got home after 1:30 AM. This was my first time ever going to work by train. Going to work Friday wasn't to bad, but coming home last night would have been such a pain taking the train. I couldn't bring myself to ask someone to pick me up, thank G-d I have a friend who seems to be telepathic. He called me and said "I'm picking you up, what time do you finish work"? I was pleasantly surprised, but hating to take favors from people I said"at 11:00", then asked "but are you sure you don't mind"? And of course totally ignoring my question he replied " I'll see you at 11:00".
Is it a problem that I have issue with asking people for favors? Shouldn't I feel comfortable asking people that love and care me for things I need? Aren't relationships about giving and taking? Ok, I'll give you that true love is all about giving of yourself completely for the other, but in a real practical relationship in addition to giving, you must have the ability to take the others love as well, because both sides have to be able to give for the relationship to flourish.
I don't bother opening my blinds in the morning. The sight of my neighbors living room isn't the energy booster I'm looking for to begin my day.So it was only when I came downstairs that I became aware of last nights snowfall. I was elated, the first snow of the year and I had woken up early enough to get to see it while it was still white, before it would turn black and slushy from of the merciless trampling by the throngs of people that live in this great city.
My walk to Eastern Parkway took over 25 minutes, the best 25 minutes of the month. Fresh snow has the power to completely clear my mind and lift my spirits better then anything I can imagine (besides for maybe- laying in a hammock by a beach on an exotic island shaded by the palm tree leaves with a tray of ice cold lemonade always being refilled standing in arms reach and my beautiful wife sitting right beside me playing the harp - maybe).
It was on my walk in the silence of the snow that I had my epiphany.
True, giving and receiving is what makes the world spin round. Notice the difference in terminology? Now I used receiving and before it was taking. The word 'taking' connotes taking something by force or not necessarily with the others consent. On the other hand the word 'receiving' implies taking something that is offered.
Therein lays the answer to my query, the quelling of my concerns. The fact that I have trouble asking people for things, yet have no trouble in taking them once offered is in fact a commendable trait.
All too often a demand or even an expectation from another is where the breakdown of relationships begin. Every person has a different character makeup. What may seem easy for you may be difficult for another and vice-a-visa. It's when we hold other people up to the same standards we hold for ourselves that the trouble starts a brewing. Because the fact is we'll forgive ourselves a lot quicker then we'd be willing to forgive another.
True we have too be able to take, but we must only take as much as the other is willing to offer.
Heal the world.

2005-12-01T17:52:00.000-05:00

Dependency

I read this article today about people becoming addicted to the internet and I became a tad concerned that maybe I'm becoming an addict without even knowing it. I definitely spend enough time to constitute some kind of dependency and I have noticed a slow decay of my social activities.
Could it possibly be?
Could it be that I, the advocate against allowing anything to control ones behaviors, who wont allow moods to dictate any action is under the grips of the evil internet addiction??
Or maybe its a legitimate unwinding activity.
I decided to test myself to see where my actions really lie.
From now on I'm going to spend only one hour on my computer within every 24 hour period and I can see if I start having any withdrawal symptoms.

I think I'll start next week...

2005-11-30T16:22:00.000-05:00

I haven't been up to posting the past couple of days. For some reason I felt that expressing my morbidness, despondency and melancholy would make me feel better inside. Sadly when that effect didn't occur it got me a bit discouraged.
I was then looking over my previous posts, I realized that never did I intend my writings to be a relief of my inner unwholesomeness. I quickly got over myself and I'm back blogging.
To conclude the previous posts, the final two reasons for my blog will be brief relative to the ones previously.
My mind similar to most is like a jungle, thoughts and ideas floating all over the place. At times my thought process has structure and I can complete a certain idea, but at other times all though I may be content with a concept that I thought out, it turns out under further analysis to be extremely fragmented and missing many links. When you take an idea that your mind is working on and express it, that in itself brings clarity to the subject.
That leads me to reason #3. By getting used to putting thoughts or ideas into writing that would otherwise just be wandering around my head in bits and pieces it will help train my mind to think more clearly and coherently.
Reason #4 is to serve a simple purpose. That is to document my thoughts and feelings, sort of like an online journal. Even though at this point it's the least significant of my reasons I think in time it will be the most appreciated.
In summary, #1 improve vocabulary, #2 a place to vent (even though it doesn't make me feel good), #3 help me develop a more clear thought process, and #4 document my happenings and ordeals.
If in anyway I veer from the aforementioned reasons in my writings, don't mention it, because it's MY blog and I don't want to hear it.
Peace and love!

2005-11-29T11:57:00.000-05:00

Where have I been?

Enough said.

2005-11-27T23:17:00.000-05:00

Lesson learned...
I've just had a very frustrating 45 minutes. I thought it would be fun to play around with my template. I was adding different features, trying to make my blog more user friendly and instead ended up deleting the comment option. I tried everything to get it back, but it it seemed like it was gone forever. So, I did what most people do when they're in trouble, I tried resetting the whole thing. By rechoosing the template it erased anything I had ever added to the current template. Thank G-d!
Lesson of the day- always back up your template.

2005-11-27T10:19:00.000-05:00

Sleepless night

Seeped inside,

Run away,

Up and gone,

Lost again,

Your pain is mine.

2005-11-26T19:56:00.000-05:00

Stop!

Balmy,

bonkers,

daffy,

loco,

loony,

raving,

nutty,

psycho,

buggy,

cuckoo,

batty,

wacko.

You are off the end.

I am not.

2005-11-24T17:26:00.000-05:00

A must read

Dear Friend,

What did George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common? They were all born on holidays."

Tonight is the 23rd anniversary of my birth. Every year, I try to find some kind of moral significance (which usually shouts out at me) with my birthday and take a lesson from it. Whether it be an idea of catch-22, being able to legally buy alcohol, or no longer being a teen, I have always had something easy and cheesy to share with everyone. When I thought about this year and the number "23" nothing came to me. I came to the realization that I may have to actually work to come up with something that I can learn from and share.

I waited for a nice quiet time when nobody was around. I sat on the couch, pulled out my laptop, ready to skim through birthday material on chabad.org so that I could copy and paste something that sounded very intelligent to this email when I realized that today is Thanksgiving. Now my birthday doesn't usually fall out on Thanksgiving since I celebrate my Hebrew birthday and the last time my birthday fell out on Thanksgiving was 19 years ago, way before I could come up with any pirushim.

I put some thought into what the idea of Thanksgiving could mean to me and how it could help improve me for the up and coming year.
When you thank somebody, you are acknowledging that the person gave, or did something for you. There is something for which you need to show appreciation.
Just like Mothers Day. How many times on Mothers Day did you wish your mom a happy mothers day and she's quick to respond, "My Mother would say for Jewish mothers, everyday is Mothers Day." Of course when you don't buy her a present, because she's just taken away any significance the day may show, she gets all insulted. She wants to know "Why couldn't you get your mother something?"
The truth is, she's right. If I really wanted to listen to her I should buy her a present everyday and wish her a happy Mothers Day, but instead I pick and choose as to what I want to listen to.
The same is with Thanksgiving. Heimeshe Jews don't kuch in (get into) Thanksgiving. They say we thank G-d everyday, not once, not twice, but over 100 times a day, a Jew is supposed to thank his creator.
All too often, I can go days without giving thought about those little things in life. The things that I keep offering my praises and thanks for, those things most of us take for granted. On this day, my Birthday, tradition teaches is my very own personal Rosh Hashana. We all know like the head of a person which directs the rest of the body, how and where to go,
Rosh Hashana (Rosh = head) is what gives direction and substance to the rest of the year. I am resolving to take heed to the lesson of the day and put effort into being conscious of the good and positive things in my life. so that when I do offer my countless thanks to the one above, it will be with the assurance, certainty and confidence that G-d is always looking out for me. Adding richness and fulfilment in my life.
I would like to propose at this point, to anybody still reading this, to take a minute, or even a moment and think of one good thing that has happened to you today. Now say thank you.
Some people comment to me that they don't like receiving generic emails that aren't sent just for them. With that in mind I would like to finish with a story.
The Lubavitcher Rebbe when he would respond to peoples' letters, had 3 basic types of letters with which he would respond. #1 was a typical response to a simcha and for every simcha there was one letter that the Rebbe would send with his blessings and mazzal tov on the occasion. #2 was a letter that was also a general one that the Rebbe would write every few months, which discussed either events or comming yomim tovim. This letter was usually sent to one almost automatically and if the Rebbe had something to add, he would write it on the side. #3 was a personal specific letter that the Rebbe would write just for you.
Once there was a young man who sent in a letter to the Rebbe. The Rebbe, shortly thereafter responded to his letter. When this Chossid opened the letter, he saw that it was a #2 letter and became upset. He mentioned to one of the Rebbes' secreteries that he was disappointed that he got one of the generic letters. Later on the Secretary mentioned to the Rebbe in passing that this young man was a little let down because of the letter. The Rebbe responded, "it seems my expectations of him were too high. I though that he really cared about what I'm into, if he wants me to write about what he's into, then I'll write him a personal letter." This means that since the Rebbe transcribed what was on his mind and what he felt was important, if he truly respected and looked up to the Rebbe, knowing what the Rebbes' into would have made him happy.
That being said if you would like a personal email. Reply to this one and type UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject line.
A reminder- The Farbreingan will be starting at 9:00pm tonight. Lots of food and booze will be served. That includes one large-very large- Turkey.
If you do not know by now that my Farbreigan is tonight, you're probably not living in NY and are basking in the warmth of the sun somewhere, You can gey feifen.

-- Be well,

Vintage jeans

A smile, by the way, can change somebody's day!
P.S. Tomorrow I will be going to the Rebbes' gravesite to pray. If you would like me to pray for you or somebody you know to ask for any requests please let me know by tomorrow morning. If you're going to email me, be sure to tell me the Jewish name and mothers name.

2005-11-24T00:31:00.000-05:00

These are two friends of mine who just got married. I think this picture captures something very deep. I'm not sure what it is, but I was overcome with a strange sensation when I saw it. Make sure to click the picture it has its full effect when it's enlarged. And no I never had a thing for her

2005-11-23T19:53:00.000-05:00

My blog

Yesterday I gave the first reason for the startup of my blog. Namely as a means to improve my vocabulary. Now for reason number two.

#2: I have very good friends. Besides for my inner circle of friends (which are 3) there are many other friends whom I like and I feel have a great affinity (I have just given legitimacy to reason #1) towards me. The fact of the matter is every person has their own concerns, their own problems, their own headaches and usually when you describe some distress in your life, although the verbal response may be, "That's horrible," or "I feel so bad," or a "how do you manage." Inside, all they're thinking is - thank G-d it's not me. I don't blame them it's an inherent human response, one that I'm guilty of way to often.

That's with my more distant friends, but my close friends they each have they're own personal reasons why it may be difficult to share.

You have one guy who's suffering with a number of social inabilities. He has trouble telling nice things to people. He sees himself as having more of an Ebert and Robert type role with his compatriot. Meaning I have my very own personal critic to help mold my life more to his liking, but then that wouldn't be good either, because MY critic says I have to be ME. You see there really is no way to win with a person like that. When I ask him to be a bit nicer, he apologizes and offers a quick explanation, sounding something like this. "that's just who I am, I can't help it."

My second friend is a lot more understanding and sensitive to others needs. The problem with him, is that G-d has put him through so much up to this point, that I feel almost silly trying to describe my problems. It's almost like telling the homeless man that you can't deal with the stresses of life. He asks, "what's the problem?" And you say, "well my wife wants me to make a choice of either the Bahamas or the Caribbeans for Thanksgiving Holiday and I can't handle making decisions." You see, it may even be a legitimate problem, but it feels kind of silly to burden somebody who's got so much more on his plate.

So reason #2 for this blog, is to put it simply, a place where I can vent, yent and even cry if I have to.

2005-11-23T15:04:00.000-05:00

Hungry anybody?

2005-11-23T12:39:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I sent out an invite to my birthday party to friends and classmates. So far the response has been very positive. Here's the invite.
Hey,

To those of who have not yet been informed.
This Thursday night the 23rd of Cheshvan I will be celebrating the completion of 23 years of living. I'm going to be having a Farbreingen in honor of the occasion. Your presence would be most welcome and appreciated.
The Farbi will be in my house CENSORED.
It will be starting at 8:30 PM - right after ---------' shiur. Since my birthday this year falls out on the day of thanks and giving and the custom of our country is to celebrate this idea with a Turkey, a Turkey will be served at 8:45 PM, be there or be queer.
Hope to see you all,
-- Be well,
Vintage jeans
A smile by the way can change somebodys' day!

2005-11-22T22:10:00.000-05:00

True home

I have got to make a ticket back. It's been to long, way to long!

2005-11-22T20:24:00.001-05:00

When I mentioned to a few friends today that I had started a blog, the first question they ask me is a simple why?
Why?
My 3rd grade Science teacher used to say that "y" is a crooked letter.
The truth is there are many reasons why I've started this blog. I will try to enumerate a few in the next few posts and may add more as I think them up.
#1(They are not being put into an order based on significance): My Rabbi used to tell me that one of the problems with the Yeshivah system today, is "they don't give the students a language to think with. They try pushing a little Yiddish, a little Hebrew, a little Aramaic and of course a little English. So what do you have at the end? A person who has a minimal grasp of any language. Fact of the matter is, is that the human mind primarily thinks in words. Meaning if you don't have a good command of a language, your thoughts can never be to precise, to sharp and thinking will never reach its optimum."
He told me I should study the English language consistently. He encouraged me to try and work on improving my vocabulary. I shamefully confess that I have been lax with his directives for the simple reason I lost all motivation, because I simply had no place where I could put my new found words into proper use.
So reason #1 "why" I've created this blog, is to have a place where I can practice my new words and hopefully it will serve as the proper push to keep me studying.
#2: To follow at a later blogging date.

2005-11-22T17:07:00.000-05:00

At the Gym

I heard this line today thought it was great.
"Better that you hate me for what I am, then love me for what I'm not".
It's a very powerful statement.
I wonder, who truly loves me for what I am?
I can't wait to be loved no matter what I am.

2005-11-22T14:08:00.000-05:00

I WONDER

Does the
man who wanders
the neighborhood, wearing
three heavy overcoats in the
swelter

of the
summer, have a
little brother who lies
awake at night wondering where
he is?

Rain

2005-11-22T11:14:00.001-05:00

There are times when it's raining so long and hard that you don't even bother getting out of the rain. Instead you embrace it. You allow the rain to get you wet, you enjoy it as the water seeps through all of your clothing, you become one with the environment. You can walk around like that for a long time- or until you get the shivers- with a smile on your face, not a care in the world. It's such a wonderful feeling, the feeling of being comfortable with oneself.
I just got home from learning and davening. Its been cold and rainy since last night and I'll tell you this, I refuse to give into the surrounding environment. I do not enjoy the water soaking me, the wind as it breaks into my skin feeling like hundreds of needles poking into me and you know what? I'm not feeling comfortable with myself.
I've decided that I'm not going back outside until the weather clears, or I'm driving.

2005-11-22T01:35:00.000-05:00

This is the begining of my blog. Everything has some kind of begining. It may have started aeons away from its present outcome, but a begining all things must have. It's 1:30 AM and I'm thoroughly exausted just wanted to make sure there was practical creation before I went to bed.